23rd August 2018

23th of August 2018

Dear Everyone,

So normally, I only talk about my spiritual side in person and to certain people and not publically but today I want to share something publically. Today I dispense the fact that a month ago on the 5th of July I was a victim of chronic anxiety, continuously trying to seek out a cure... but nothing… In grade 9 I had decided that it was my lifelong dream to become a part of the Hillsong worship team. A dream I thought was impossible. but I come before you today to say that God made this dream possible.. and not only that… but also on the 5th of July 2018, I made a promise that this time, my cure had promise, because I had God this time. By God’s grace, the impossible is made possible. Without forcefulness, without bias, without judgment. You are capable of many things young human, but I can say that with God, imagine how much more you can achieve… Having God in your heart and in your soul you get this instant motivation to be who you are and love that person. and that Is all God ever wants from you, as you is always enough for Him. And this is the point that I would like you too, to experience relief from and troubles in your lives. However, I'm not saying that this will be complete relief from everything that gives you pain, as pain is part of the process. But what I am trying to stipulate is that when you share that pain with the Lord. That he will help you to grow alongside him rather than being alone.

This is one of my favorite stories called The Footprints Prayer which was actually said at a church camp I went to in grade 9.

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

– by Margaret Fishback Powers

As I said before I may not have been as religious as I was now back then. And I only saw God very briefly back then, but it gave me a sense of hope. This happened while sitting with my best friend at the time and after witnessing somebody else being touched, I too felt that energy inside me but I did not know how to cope… this was the first sign of God in my life. While I’ve distanced myself too many times from the Lord, I know now why I did. And it was okay.. I needed to face some hardships alone in order to find him again. And as soon as times got too tough… God showed his face again… each time happened to be after many bad thoughts about ending my life… it was as if he was teaching me what death felt like but that I shouldn’t be afraid of it. It was 2 weeks ago when I truly faced death in the face and I did not run. I wasn’t scared of dying for the first time… this was the most revitilising feeling ever… I felt like I was born again… honestly.. that everything up till now was supposed to happen. God can’t always give us strength to begin with as we would then not seek him and know he is alongside us.. it is in our weakness where we find the god who makes us tough.. and the result of this keeps us humble…

Lots of love

Abigail Faith x